Thursday, January 2, 2014
Happy Holidays, and happy new year as well. It's been a while, but I haven't had much time to write lately. Mainly because my kids have mastered being up, or being up and napping at completely opposite times, therefore having one always awake. So, with the exception of night time, I get little time with both of them quiet, and at night when they are both finally awake I make an attempt to relax on my own, which turns into my sleeping within minutes. Since little one nurses at night pretty often, my sleep is still on and off.. Mostly off.
I am so happy to welcome in a new year. I am excited to see what Isabel will learn in her school. I am excited to see my little Olive keep growing, and do more and more everyday.
This year, I resolved to not make any major resolutions. I hate being disappointing, and quite honestly, I am the worst at keeping promises to myself. I did however make a few.
I promise to my husband to be less crazy. I can be a little fly off the handle, high-strung, and kooky at time. I need to chill at little bit. I need to roll with it (anything, doesn't matter what) a little more. I need to let things just happen and enjoy the ride some times. I need to turn off my internal sensor that make me start to get jittery every time it seems that something I didn't plan is going to happen, or might happen, and freak out less about it. Some of the most amazing things can happen when you lose a little control.
I resolve to spend more 'meaningful' time with my girls. Less TV, less screens of any kind. Less checking my email and text messages as often. Less stressing about laundry, cooking perfect meals, and housework. How does that saying go, messy house, happy kids? Not that I am going to turn my house into a haven of sloppiness and dirt, I realize that cooking and cleaning are essential to normal parts of life, but it's ok to fold laundry once they have gone to sleep. It's also ok that it sits in the basket for a day.
I resolve to learn from them how to be silly. I don't need to be so serious. I will laugh with Isabel when she makes her goofy faces, really laugh. And with Olive, I will rediscover the joy in everything. The things that make her smile and her eyes widen. Those moments that are all so fresh and new to her infant mind, and since she will be my last baby, I will savor each one.
I resolve to fall in love again with my husband. Not that I ever fell out of love with him, but falling in love is the best part about being in love, so I want to do it over and over again. I want us to be stronger than ever. I want to take the time to notice the look when he gives it to me, so I get the butterflies in my belly like I used to. I want to kiss when we wake up, and when we go to sleep. I want to snuggle together on the couch while the kids are sleeping and talk about our lives. I want him to remember why we fell in love as much as I want to.
I want to practice random acts of kindness more often. Not because it's trendy or something I HAVE to do, but because I love the way it feels to make people happy. When I was working at my job, I could do little things for patients like make an extra phone call to get something done. Bring them tea on a cold day when they are sitting in the waiting room shivering. Making an extra appointment for them so they don't have to go home and wait on hold. Since I am no longer working in order to stay at home with my girls, I want to be able to still feel that warmth, and teach them how great it feels to give without expecting anything in return.
Most of all I resolve to take it easy on myself. I am determined to realize that I am never going to be the idealistic mother I have set myself up to fail at being. My life is what it is. I am not going to keep trying to live up to the pinterest boards that I have made. I am not going to start loving myself more. I am going to take me time. I am going to love my new body, and dress it accordingly. I am going to be aware that my daughters are my mirror. They reflect back what I am putting out in the world. I am going to give them body confidence, happiness and love for themselves. I will tell them everyday not only how amazing they are, but that they can be both smart and pretty and they will never need to chose between the two, regardless of what society tries to tell them.
I am going to try to do all of these things, but since I am trying to be less hard on myself this year, I am going to take it slow. I am not going to be the 'gym' resolution person who goes 7 days for 3 hours and never goes again because they are too burnt out. I am taking my changes little by little, one step at a time.
Now, I have to get back to making my homemade Minnie mouse shaped kombucha cupcakes and then finish weaving my girls' clothes on the loom I picked up from freecycle while meeting up with someone to sell them my coconut oil lotion.
Haha, just kidding. I am going to sit with my family on the couch while eating store-bought almond milk Ice cream sandwiches and pretend to know the answers on jeopardy.