Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Oh, s*%t! !

Poopie, doo-doo, ca-ca, stinkies, and crap-- call it what you will, but after you have a baby it takes on a new meaning. I realized this fact this morning, after just under 11 months into my motherhood, I realize that poop and all of it's cutesy named friends mean a whole new world to me.

First, the general way in which it is spoken of by mother's and father's alike in everyday casual conversation; size, frequency, consistency, smell, color, and amount are all acceptable and almost expected things to talk about amongst other parents at play dates, dinner parties and get togethers.

Second, The 'sniff test'.. Yes, as a married person with no children, I never in a million years thought that it would be an acceptable practice in my household for me to pick up my child and say something like 'babe, sniff her butt, did she poop?' Alas, these words leave mouth pretty much at least once a day.

I also never thought that I would find it quite so hilarious as I did, when my husband took a deep inhale, and practically smushed his nose to my little girls (thankfully) completely clothed behind and got a good whiff of one of her most stinky diapers to which he bellowed "come, on! Why did you make me do that?!" to which I laughed so hard, I cried and thought to myself, 'comes with the territory, my friend!'

I am pretty sure God punished my laughter a few minutes later when I went to go change my squirmy little person and while removing the offending diaper from underneath her less than cleanly tush, grabbed a handful of mushy hot poop instead. Gross..

Number 3.. Poop used to be a private thing... although as the famous potty training book says, everyone does it you had no reason to discuss it the way I do since I have been a parent. Not to mention that if and when the 'act' was taking place it was a time to go behind closed doors and take a few much needed moments to take care of business.. Nowadays, if I am alone with the baby I have to keep the door open for fear she will eat something off of the floor, break something, or hurt herself in someway.. There was a time only a few short months ago when she was content swinging in her swing while I took care of business, and if she was awake, I could put her in her 'excersaucer' to play for a few minutes and she would hardly even notice, however if I am in the bathroom, more than likely so is she.. So I have had to come to grips with sitting on the toilet, and having a small child standing in front of me, to whom I am trying to entertain long enough to keep her from unrolling an entire roll of toilet paper in record time.

As a new parent, I have learned that privacy is no longer a privilege that I am afforded, and I have begun to accept these things, and really appreciate those moments on the weekends when my husband is home so I can close the door... :-)