Thursday, July 22, 2010
No really, I did.. I know it's laughable now, but I used to be pretty awesome. I used to be able to stay up past 930 without yawing every ten seconds. I used to be able to drink as much or as little as I wanted, when the only worry I had was how I was getting home, and not how much alcohol was leeching into my breast milk. I used to play roller derby, and shop and get mani-pedis without a second thought.. I used to subscribe to in-style, Marie Claire and vogue, and use them as inspiration when getting dressed, or how to do that 'neat thing Drew Barrymore did with her eyeliner'...
Now, I am only up past 930 because I am pretty sure my night job (that I really only work at for benefits.. how responsible) would frown upon my sleeping at my desk, although I am perfecting taking little naps with my eyes open.. My favorite drink is coffee- warm, happily caffeinated coffee which not only wakes me up, but gives me the little jump start I need to get through my day without dragging too much ass..
My idea of a cocktail? The one I am allotted after just having nursed the baby, but never anymore than that because the responsible mommy side in me has researched and re-researched the probable effects of alcohol in breast milk, and just the idea that I could cause a sluggish respiratory rate in my child would make me sit up various times throughout the night to check her breathing, and to be totally honest I do not need to lose anymore sleep.
My physical activity regimen consists of lifting a baby car-seat carrier, walking with the baby in the baby Bjorn, lifting strollers in and out of the trunk and dancing and rocking the baby to sleep, and once in a while I can get a change to throw her into the jogging stroller and take a quick (and i do mean quick) jog around the neighborhood as long as the sun conditions (babies can't be in the sun, and she can't stand having the sun in her face) and wind conditions are favorable..
My beauty secrets is that there aren't any anymore.. Tinted moisturizer, a little powder, and blush.. SOMETIMES, if she's not crying or fussing too much I'll even get a chance to put on a little mascara and maybe even some eyeline.. wooooo! And the clothes.. I don't shop, and if I do it's for her which I find SOOO thrilling because frankly, girl clothes are amazing and fun to shop for, so as long as I can shop for her and dress her like a little mini-me, i'm pretty cool with that.
So between my non- beauty, exercise and going out routine, and after the cooking and the cleaning.. later in the night time when I get home from work, I get to see my little girl again. After about 5 hours or so of working and being away from her, I come home and scoop her up- I I change her diaper, I put her in her jammies, and cuddle and kiss her. I bring her into my room, and I lay her on my lap and get ready to feed her. She latches on, she makes her little yum-yum noises and for just a second she looks up at me.. In her milk-drunk state will open her pretty little eyes, and smile at me.. A smile that melts my heart, and makes me remember that there is only one person whose opinion really matters.. One person who loves me for who I am, makeup or none, dressed up or dressed down, hair a little frizzy or straight..
...And she thinks I am pretty cool.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
It used to be the one of the biggest decisions I had to make on a regular basis was whether I wanted red or white wine while I leisurely made dinner for the night.. Being a working wife was pretty simple, I worked and cooked, we shared the cleaning and the laundry and came and went as the breeze blew us..
Now things have changed dramatically.. Don't get me wrong. Isabel is the single best thing that has ever happened, but I am still a novice at juggling. I thought I had this whole baby thing down.. feed, play, change, rock, cuddle, wash, and repeat as necessary with many many kisses in between.. It took some times to figure out where to fit in eating, showering, cleaning and cooking in the middle of the baby's busy schedule that she regularly sets for me.
And within two to three months, I am able to feed the baby, while eating and petting the cat all at once. I have mastered running up and down the basement stairs getting laundry done, and boiling water for pasta all while she sleeps or play and preferably with little to no whining or crying on either of our parts-easy peasy.
And all of a sudden the world turns upside down and I have to go back to work. Granted I am working evenings, so while I am SO lucky to be able to stay home and enjoy her during the day I am now faced with the daunting task of being the little wifey, the happy mommy and the ever-efficient and perky employee. Somehow I am expected to get all of the household chores done, take care of the baby and be ready with breast-milk bottles in hand in time to drop the baby off to my sisters to be at work by 5pm with a smile on my face.. Which is fine with me as long as I don't have to take care of all of those other pesky chores like eating and showering.
How the hell do people do this? I understand that I am only into my 2nd week of working mommy-dom, but for goodness sake this is hard! Turn on mommy mode, turn off mommy mode, turn on wife mode, turn off wife mode, turn on work mode, turn off work mode, all while trying to deny any feelings of sadness or stress that I have because I am trying so hard to fit into the 'perfect mommy' mold.
I am trying to hard to keep my baby happy and healthy- I am trying to make my household run efficiently and happily, I am trying to keep my marriage afloat and I am trying to keep it all together, and somehow everyday it all seems like just when I get a handle on one thing something else is falling apart. For each task I concur, I feel like something else suffers. I understand that in this day and age, many couples have to work to make ends meet, and for many this means day care and babysitters. I am very fortunate to have a family that is willing to watch my little lady for a few hours before my husband comes home, which makes me feel good about knowing she is being cared for to the best of their ability and nurtured by people who really love her. Some days I find it harder to leave her than others, however again I am lucky to have people who care about her general well-being taking care of her..
Does this ever get easier? Will I ever get to be the ring master of this three-ring circus, or am I doomed just to be a clumsy clown? Does having children, a marriage and a job in this day and age always mean that something or someone will suffer?
I wish I had a better way to end this, however the baby is napping and I need to eat something before she wakes up.. Until next time- :-)