Monday, June 28, 2010

40+5 (originally posted 3/31/2010)

I suppose if there was any time to be reflective, now is probably as good a time as any.. I am over 40 weeks pregnant, and for those of you keeping track, that means that the baby TECHNICALLY should have been here 5 days ago...Although, I am pretty sure whatever she's using to track the time that has passed inside my warm, comfy womb isn't following the same time guidelines as I am. In other words, she has her own agenda.

So, here I am out of work.. Sitting, waiting, and contemplating the question that I am sure every mom-in-waiting asks themselves at this point.. "What the hell are you waiting for?".

The room is set up all pink and yellow and clean...The clothes, towels, sheets and socks have all been washed in super baby-friendly detergent sworn not to irritate my newborns skin. The Fridge and freezer are stocked and packed with 'family-friendly' meals ready for an in-between breastfeeding heat up in the Microwave or oven when the food that everyone is waiting to cook for me and my new family runs out. The grandparents are all here, waiting with baited breath and arguing over who gets to see the baby when. My husband has been on 'alert' like a freedom fighter for 2 weeks now ready to jet from Roslyn back to Rocky Point at the first sign of rogue water leakage or consistent contractions..

And here I sit.. BORED OUT OF MY EVER LOVING MIND... Fielding 150 phone calls, text messages and Facebook wall messages a day from well meaning people about the impending arrival of my (apparently) shy baby girl....Waiting.

At this time, many people have offered their input and advice about my upcoming foray into parenthood.. How many times have how many people told me to 'get a lot of sleep now while I still can'? Really? How many of you slept for like 16 hours at a time PRIOR to the births of your children, and after the baby is born were able to say "I guess it's time to use one of those banked sleep hours, I am SO tired.. Thank goodness that I stored up all those extras"'? Just curious.

Recently, Andre set up our TV to do a slideshow of all of our pictures when it's been idle for a while.. So yesterday I sat and watched it for a bit.. I noticed how quickly and effortlessly the pictures flashed up on the screen, and were there and gone in a matter of a few seconds, but just long enough for me to wonder if I have done everything up until this point that I feel I should have.

Random pictures fly by of us at a bar or at a party, a few sober but more not... Andre playing a show with Space Robot Scientists, and more recently Yes Sensei. Pictures of my family, friends and the love of my life dancing like fools at my wedding. Pictures of my nieces and nephews decorating Christmas cookies and Easter Eggs. Andre Djing at the bar I used to work at. A friend come and gone. Me, with a bunch of rowdy girls clad in short skirts and knee socks, with roller skates slung over our shoulders only thinking about the whether the next 20 minutes will score us enough points to FINALLY win a bout. Pictures of my husband and I kissing in the various locales that we have ventured to together in our 10 year courtship. Me, with a glass of wine in one hand and a close friends' arm around me, smiling widely and a minimum of 25 pounds lighter not knowing that less than a year later I would be awaiting the arrival of the most life changing event I will probably ever come to know.

Looking back and seeing what my life has been, and looking down at my ever-so-round belly (currently jumping every few seconds because someone I can't wait to know has the hiccups) I have realized that there is honestly no other place I'd rather be than here right now. I am truly beyond excited to start my own family and begin my own traditions. I realize that I will never again be able to experience the birth of my first child, and it brings tears to my eyes..

I sit up confidently and declare.. I am ready. I am scared and terrified, but I am a willing participant and I am ready. I think.

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