Tuesday, July 13, 2010
My Three Lives....
It used to be the one of the biggest decisions I had to make on a regular basis was whether I wanted red or white wine while I leisurely made dinner for the night.. Being a working wife was pretty simple, I worked and cooked, we shared the cleaning and the laundry and came and went as the breeze blew us..
Now things have changed dramatically.. Don't get me wrong. Isabel is the single best thing that has ever happened, but I am still a novice at juggling. I thought I had this whole baby thing down.. feed, play, change, rock, cuddle, wash, and repeat as necessary with many many kisses in between.. It took some times to figure out where to fit in eating, showering, cleaning and cooking in the middle of the baby's busy schedule that she regularly sets for me.
And within two to three months, I am able to feed the baby, while eating and petting the cat all at once. I have mastered running up and down the basement stairs getting laundry done, and boiling water for pasta all while she sleeps or play and preferably with little to no whining or crying on either of our parts-easy peasy.
And all of a sudden the world turns upside down and I have to go back to work. Granted I am working evenings, so while I am SO lucky to be able to stay home and enjoy her during the day I am now faced with the daunting task of being the little wifey, the happy mommy and the ever-efficient and perky employee. Somehow I am expected to get all of the household chores done, take care of the baby and be ready with breast-milk bottles in hand in time to drop the baby off to my sisters to be at work by 5pm with a smile on my face.. Which is fine with me as long as I don't have to take care of all of those other pesky chores like eating and showering.
How the hell do people do this? I understand that I am only into my 2nd week of working mommy-dom, but for goodness sake this is hard! Turn on mommy mode, turn off mommy mode, turn on wife mode, turn off wife mode, turn on work mode, turn off work mode, all while trying to deny any feelings of sadness or stress that I have because I am trying so hard to fit into the 'perfect mommy' mold.
I am trying to hard to keep my baby happy and healthy- I am trying to make my household run efficiently and happily, I am trying to keep my marriage afloat and I am trying to keep it all together, and somehow everyday it all seems like just when I get a handle on one thing something else is falling apart. For each task I concur, I feel like something else suffers. I understand that in this day and age, many couples have to work to make ends meet, and for many this means day care and babysitters. I am very fortunate to have a family that is willing to watch my little lady for a few hours before my husband comes home, which makes me feel good about knowing she is being cared for to the best of their ability and nurtured by people who really love her. Some days I find it harder to leave her than others, however again I am lucky to have people who care about her general well-being taking care of her..
Does this ever get easier? Will I ever get to be the ring master of this three-ring circus, or am I doomed just to be a clumsy clown? Does having children, a marriage and a job in this day and age always mean that something or someone will suffer?
I wish I had a better way to end this, however the baby is napping and I need to eat something before she wakes up.. Until next time- :-)