Thursday, July 22, 2010

I used to be 'cool'

No really, I did.. I know it's laughable now, but I used to be pretty awesome. I used to be able to stay up past 930 without yawing every ten seconds. I used to be able to drink as much or as little as I wanted, when the only worry I had was how I was getting home, and not how much alcohol was leeching into my breast milk. I used to play roller derby, and shop and get mani-pedis without a second thought.. I used to subscribe to in-style, Marie Claire and vogue, and use them as inspiration when getting dressed, or how to do that 'neat thing Drew Barrymore did with her eyeliner'...

Now, I am only up past 930 because I am pretty sure my night job (that I really only work at for benefits.. how responsible) would frown upon my sleeping at my desk, although I am perfecting taking little naps with my eyes open.. My favorite drink is coffee- warm, happily caffeinated coffee which not only wakes me up, but gives me the little jump start I need to get through my day without dragging too much ass..

My idea of a cocktail? The one I am allotted after just having nursed the baby, but never anymore than that because the responsible mommy side in me has researched and re-researched the probable effects of alcohol in breast milk, and just the idea that I could cause a sluggish respiratory rate in my child would make me sit up various times throughout the night to check her breathing, and to be totally honest I do not need to lose anymore sleep.

My physical activity regimen consists of lifting a baby car-seat carrier, walking with the baby in the baby Bjorn, lifting strollers in and out of the trunk and dancing and rocking the baby to sleep, and once in a while I can get a change to throw her into the jogging stroller and take a quick (and i do mean quick) jog around the neighborhood as long as the sun conditions (babies can't be in the sun, and she can't stand having the sun in her face) and wind conditions are favorable..

My beauty secrets is that there aren't any anymore.. Tinted moisturizer, a little powder, and blush.. SOMETIMES, if she's not crying or fussing too much I'll even get a chance to put on a little mascara and maybe even some eyeline.. wooooo! And the clothes.. I don't shop, and if I do it's for her which I find SOOO thrilling because frankly, girl clothes are amazing and fun to shop for, so as long as I can shop for her and dress her like a little mini-me, i'm pretty cool with that.

So between my non- beauty, exercise and going out routine, and after the cooking and the cleaning.. later in the night time when I get home from work, I get to see my little girl again. After about 5 hours or so of working and being away from her, I come home and scoop her up- I I change her diaper, I put her in her jammies, and cuddle and kiss her. I bring her into my room, and I lay her on my lap and get ready to feed her. She latches on, she makes her little yum-yum noises and for just a second she looks up at me.. In her milk-drunk state will open her pretty little eyes, and smile at me.. A smile that melts my heart, and makes me remember that there is only one person whose opinion really matters.. One person who loves me for who I am, makeup or none, dressed up or dressed down, hair a little frizzy or straight..

...And she thinks I am pretty cool.

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